This Mattress

..."may not soak up vomit".

Always good to know that about a mattress.

Found Under the Telly

One Sunday morning, we found all this treasure underneath the television.

And three marbles.

Virtual Stud

What the Microsoft Visual Studio T-shirt should look like.

"Visual Studio" T-shirt

What it looks like if it doesn't fit quite right. And the reason why people were staring at my chest.

"Visual Stud" T-shirt

Quick Frozen Cephlapods

I always choose quick-frozen cephalopods, don't you?

I find they're so much more tasty.

Because Children Need Stuffed Animal Heads, Right?

Um...no.

Spotted in Toys 'R' Us this weekend; stuffed animal heads! Suitable for mounting on the wall, just like Grandpa has in his hunting lodge!

Except not stuffed like that. And totally appropriate for hanging above your child's bed.

The most wrong/funny thing about this - to my mind, at least - is that one of the options is a unicorn's head.

Toys 'R' Us: where childhood dreams end.

Too Early for a Drink?

When I say "Is it too early for a drink?", I'm not asking for permission; I'm asking for a companion, a co-conspirator.

Christmas Serendipity

Whilst rummaging in the fridge for the mayonnaise (for a mid-morning turkey sandwich) I came upon the unfinished champagne.

How could I refuse?

People that moan about social media

...being used for communication and advertising presumably feel the same way about speech:

Oh, remember when talking was about food, and going to the toilet, and stuff?
Now it's all about marketing...

Perhaps we just need to accept the fact that people will use social media for marketing, as well as for useful stuff.

When I bought a chainsaw from Amazon

...They offered to gift wrap it.

Smoked salmon - allergy advice

Apparently, smoked salmon contains fish. Who knew?

Nice one, Sainsbury's.

Buying local (and locally)

I agree with pretty much all of this article.

http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2010/08/26/why-i-buy-local/

When Buying Music

...always buy the Explicit version (if available). I mean, otherwise you're just paying for silence.

And the words they remove are usually $5 words...

Solutions That Aren't

The little one-woman cafe in the local garden centre has a menu behind the counter, entitled "Breakfast Solutions".

Solutions?

Solutions. As if they're solving a complex problem. It's bacon, sausage and egg, not world hunger.

Why not "Breakfast Options"? "Breakfast Choices"?

Or even just "Breakfasts"?

The problem is the bleed of marketing non-speak into everyday life. Horrid.

Something Sporty

We've been invited to wear something sporty to work, for charity.

I fear the majority choice will be things worn to watch sport rather than do sport. So that'll be an entire package holiday worth of national football and rugby shirts.

I'm trying to decide whether to wear a swim cap, my skydiving jumpsuit, or - as one witty colleague suggested, a waistcoat (not that I really believe snooker to be a sport).

The Daily Mail

Whenever I see someone buy the Daily Mail, a little piece of me dies. With the Mail on Sunday, it's a slightly larger piece.

I can't read the newspaper without elevating my blood pressure and heart rate at the wild leaps of "reasoning" the frothy-mouthed articles make in order to foment the readership into righteous indignation.

That anyone would choose to read such poisonous tripe is profoundly disappointing, distressing, disturbing.
That anyone might accept it enough to act on it unthinkable.

A recent piece opened with the statement that cyclists had more heart attacks than other people. By the end of the article, the statement was revealed to be based on a creative interpretation of a piece of scientific research - an interpretation not endorsed by the authors of the research.

Now I don't have a problem with creative writing, but when it's dressed up as factual journalism, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Cultural Differences

The Italian prime minister has been indicted to stand trial on charges of paying for sex with an underage girl (according to BBC News).

I really can't imagine that happening in the UK.

Flossing

The dental profession's preferred way of making your gums bleed.

Coffee for Survival, Coffee for Pleasure

At this time in the morning, the first coffee of the day is about survival, not pleasure. Something to get me through the dark, early hours of Too Early, Too Early.

Later, when my mind is more active, when the sleep is rubbed from my eyes. When the joints are less creaky, the muscles warmer, the blood runs a little hotter - then coffee is about pleasure. A dark, rich brew, glorious.

An Email from Fiona Robyn

Today, an email newsletter from Fiona Robyn, always a joy. I love the way Fiona writes: with warmth, confidence and a kind of reassuring authority.

To see more of Fiona's writing, read her Writing Our Way Home blog.

Clothes with draw-string hoods

I would like to propose that all clothes with pull-cords and draw-strings - things like hooded tops, for instance - come with a warning label. This label would contain a prominent, cleverly-worded message reminding first-time parents of the dangers of wearing such a garment around a grabby infant.

I realise that such a message might deter first-time parents from buying the clothes, which ain't really brilliant for the clothing manufacturer. But it would be a boon for parents everywhere.