Walkers Crisps - New Flavours

What are Walkers thinking?

They've produced 6 new flavours of crisps, and are asking for votes for the one they take into production.

The Sparkly One and I tasted 3 of the flavours today, and I'll be writing to Walkers to tell them not to bother with any of them.

We had Cajun Squirrel first, which was quite ordinary, but turned out to be the least offensive of the flavours (perhaps because it's the most bland?). Disappointingly, it contains no squirrels, and very little cajun. Its ingredients list is not dissimilar to that of the Duck crisps, see below.

The second bag we tried was Crispy Duck and Hoisin, which tasted like stale parma violets. I had two crisps, just to make sure there wasn't something wrong with the first one, then put the pack beyond use. Horrible.

Finally, then, Chilli and Chocolate, which I was rather excited to try; Chocolate Chip and Chilli Cookies being one of my favourite own-brand recipes. So there's no fear about the sweet and the savoury here. But there is nothing good to report about this crisp: foul, sweet, horrid from the first to the last. In fact, the first and the last crisp were one and the same because these were so unpleasant that I didn't eat more than one.

Of crispy snackery

I am not by habit a frequent consumer of crisps, that rich variety of snackery made from derivatives of potato or maize.

But from time to time I do fancy something crispy and crunchy. And on those occasions celery don't cut it, baby.

As you may already have postulated, today was such a day, and on a whim I picked up a bag of Hula Hoops Original ("Potato Rings") and Nik Naks Nice 'n' Spicy, ("Knobbly Freaky Sticks of Corn").

Hands shaking with anticipation, I opened the Nik Naks first - and at first sight knew immediately that they were not what I wanted in my mouth. The lurid orange-coloured, well, knobbly sticks of corn looked flat-out unappetising from the get-go. Nevertheless, I selected one entirely at random and popped it between the old kissing apparatus, only to pull a face of abject dis-satisfaction. The texture was horrible, cloying; and the flavour vile, a kind of broad spectrum "curry powder" taste with no other notes or flavours.

Quietly self-satisfied with the sophistication of my pallette, I put the packet of extruded corn snacks to one side and opened the Hula Hoops.

I have a fondness for Hula Hoops - I particularly enjoy the pleasing crunch they offer. And they were invented in the same year as I was born (the back of the packet informs me), which is a pleasing.

But they have so little flavour; the texture is all reconstituted potato - they make no pretense at being a potato, unlike regular crispies. So other than the crunch, they have nothing appealing about them; the texture after the crunch is horrible, and the flavour all potato starch and oil.

The back of the packets, fact fans, read as follows:

Hula Hoops Potato Rings

Ingredients: Potato (potato starch & dried potato), Sunflower Oil (28%), Rice Flour, Maize Flour, Salt, Potassium Chloride.

Nik Naks Corn Snacks

Ingredients: Maize, Sunflower Oil (25%), Vegetable Oil (13%), Nice 'n' spicy flavour [sugar, salt, acidity regulator: sodium diacetate, dried glucose syrup, lactose, flavour enhancer: monosodium glutamate, dried onion, citric acid, malic acid,, flavourings (contains soya sauce), curry powder (spices, rice flour), dried tomato, colour: paprika extract, spice, malt extract, dried malt vinegar].

I am continually surprised that manufacturers have to list all their unpleasant ingredients, but can get away with the mysteriously vague "spices" when it comes to the flavourings.

Yack.